Food Carts…

In case you’re wondering what a food cart is, it’s exactly what it sounds like.  So if you don’t know already, then go ahead and punch yourself sixteen times in the sternum.  It’s a “cart” like a van, a hut, or even a converted bus, that serves food.  They usually don’t supply seating, although some do) but often you will find communal seating in between them, for they are often found lumped together in lots.

Now if you’re a dinosauric prick from the nineties who thinks that food that comes from carts or “roach coaches” is always crap then you should continue reading this article, as it may enlighten you, and enable you to crawl from the cess pool of retardation that you currently dwell in.  Yeah, food from food carts, at least in Portland, is fucking delicious.

You’re just about guaranteed to have food served to you by people who are seriously passionate about what they do.  There’s no megalomaniacal chefs or cockbrained bosses looming around fucking up the program.  There’s just people who are excited to serve you one type of food, and serve it very well.  Guess what else? IT’S CHEAP.  And it’s not cheap because it’s shit, it’s cheap because it’s badass.  The startup cost and overhead for one of these things is pennies compared to opening a full-fledge white cloth douchemagnet restaurant.  So what are the cons?

None, fuck off with your cons this is a totally biased article.  But seriously, if you think having to eat outside in the rain during winter is a con then you should fuck off to somewhere else.  Like Idaho.

Food carts will also whoop your ass because they encourage a communal style of hangout.  Tons of people get together and enjoy some good food, and meet new people and have a good time.  It’s a nice ray of sunshine in a country where most people are scared of strangers.  With food cart communites you’re able to walk in and receive quality, speed, and a diverse variety of cuisines for a very decent price.  It’s brilliant.

Some of the best:

The Grilled Cheese Grill – A schoolbus made to serve bitchin grilled cheese sandwiches, fuck yeah. Grilled Cheese Grill (Food Cart) on Urbanspoon

Volkswaffle – A Volkswagen camper van made to serve amazing Belgian waffles with cool toppings.  Fuck yeah. VolksWaffle (Food Cart) on Urbanspoon

The Fried Onion – Fucking awesome burgers and dogs and fries.  ’nuff said. The Fried Onion on Urbanspoon

Lardo – Culinary amazingness coming from a hut.  These guys to crazy shit with pork.  It’s rockin.  Fuck yeah.

Over the Top – Burgers made with Oregon beef.  Fan-fucking-tabulous! Over the Top Burgers (Food Cart) on Urbanspoon

Check out www.foodcartsportland.com for more info on food carts and why they are awesome, or get your lazy ass off the computer and go to one and unapolagetically stuff your face so that your ass hates you the next day.

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