Voodoo Doughnuts : Youdo Deeznuts
Voodoo Doughnut. You’ve all heard of it, and a million and a half people have written about it, so why am I bothering to even mention it? It doesn’t need my help to sustain its popularity. Every food show that comes to Portland inevitably goes there and tried to be more clever than the previous one. It’s featured on TV all of the time as some sort of symbol for Northwest food. Forget our cheese, our meat, our produce, our mushrooms, our fish, cuz we got maple bars with BACON on them.
The bacon maple bar is mankind’s greatest achievement. Sure we went to the moon, we have cured diseases, and we have iphones, but seriosly, all that can fuck off so long as I can have my bacon maple bar. Some people don’t understand it, they hear the words bacon and donut together and they are scared, and they should be. There are few better ways to ingest so many unhealthy calories in one sitting.
Voodoo Doughnut also spells Doughnut properly. It’s not spelled Donut. Donut is simply phonetic spelling that took over because our country’s average intelligence is that of a third grader. Plus, you can mispronounce Doughnut into Duffnut. Which makes it better.
Back to why I’m writing about Voodoo Doughnut. If you haven’t eaten there and you live in Portland, you are a bell-end. And the only cure for bell-endedness, is a bacon maple bar. So go eat one you nitwits.